I’m feeling… how to describe it… the way I imagine Vincent Van Gogh or Syliva Plath might have felt, or like the girl with the pearl earring. Like my me might fly away if the wind blows hard enough, leaving behind my mere body. Or like my very ordinary body—wonder of wonders!—might be beautiful if someone painted me today.
I’m restless, I’m Forrest Gump’s feather, I’m shy, I’m sweet Edward’s scissors, I’m alone, I’m Yorick’s skull, I’m happy, I’m Elizabeth Bennet’s regrets, I’m peculiar, I’m Madame Karenina’s life, I’m forgotten, I’m the shards of Narsil, I’m just me, which is really nothing new but perhaps I have something to say anyway.
There, I’m rambling. I want a pirate like Roux, and my pen can’t keep up with my mind. Wouldn’t it be lovely to be someone’s muse? Startling, though. I need a cloud to ride, or at least a lake to love. Clocks bother me, sometimes. Fish and my sea, and if I went out late at night, after my roommate’s asleep, no one would have any idea what was in my head until they found my body at the bottom of the water tower. Not romantic, perhaps, but I don’t have the same resources as Evelyn McHale. But the flowers aren’t blooming yet, not really. If I could be a blade of grass for a day, I wouldn’t mind being stepped on because I’d get to see the world from a new perspective. The green on these chairs isn’t green at all, I don’t know why they printed it. Nails and nails, and which one hurts more? Boo! I don’t know if I’ve ever heard a mockingbird. Tooooo much. I think it’s time to run away. Maybe if I run fast enough, I’ll find me. Mm, no. That doesn’t fit. Literary criticism breaks me into pieces. And the Bible has two edges: does it have a surface? Tension. Break! no. In and out, and where did the needle go? Mm, I’m drifting, somebody toss me a compass. But the sea’s that way, and the river’s running away from it. Ooo, I’m inside out. Chuck me out the window please. It’ll do me good.
What kind of consciousness is this, anyway? Hm, guess I’ll claim it if i must. Yes, doctor, I know I’m absurd. Please stop trying to diagnose me.